“轻轻刮一下吧，”有一把声音说。
“啊不，狠狠地刮下去！”那声音又说。
于是我大力地在淡黄的电梯门上划了一道半寸长的刮痕。
就在同一时候，我露出了惊讶和抱歉的表情，连忙用指头擦拭着刮痕，似乎想让什么人看见，自己是一不小心才把电梯门刮花的。
明明我是故意的，为什么还装成一副不小心的样子？
在只有我一个人的电梯里，我连对着自己都变得虚伪起来。
Apr 1, 2010
Mar 26, 2010
季节性
下班时，依然下着倾盆大雨。因为想看看城市的雨景，特地驱车下吉隆坡，结果塞在车龙里，动弹不得。生活在这个城市，没能学外国人的语气，季节性地说：“天气转冷了，秋天又到了吧～”，不过能时不时感叹：“最近路上车子又好像比较多了，是塞车的季节了呢”，也算经历季节的转换，生活还不至于太过枯燥吧。
我默默踩着刹车器，心想，愤怒的季节又到了。妈的。
Dec 24, 2009
Apr 23, 2009
petrol station
It's 1:30am.
I drove pass the market covered in dark. Indians camouflaged themselves under the shadow of the street lights. They sat, with empty bottles, on the road kerb opposite the Mamak (it's probably an Indian's) stall, where the other Comrades were staring over the TV screen for the lady whose name they never knew.
I drove pass the market covered in dark. Indians camouflaged themselves under the shadow of the street lights. They sat, with empty bottles, on the road kerb opposite the Mamak (it's probably an Indian's) stall, where the other Comrades were staring over the TV screen for the lady whose name they never knew.
Just after the corner the polis had set up their trap for the night. A middle-age officer with no expression on his face, stopped me, shone his torch light on me, and signaled me to go. I must have looked kind.
I dashed pass the yellow lights, drove over the bridges, overtook some stupid looking vehicles, passed by the lake garden and speed to the end the empty road along the compound of Bukit Aman.
Over the traffic light cars and motocycles were lining up into the Merdeka Square. Chicks were hugging their abang from the back, and exposing behind them their waist between the flip of their forever-tighten T-shirt. These abang were not the Yamaha dudes, these were the Modenas, with loose jeans and cheap sport shoes, sitting straight up like in the classroom.
I drove pass the Chinese Assemble Hall, pass the Chinese school, pass the night club with another flock of desperate predator. Cars were queuing for their lonely soul to be sucked up for nothing.
But I have got no where to escape, i thought to myself.
When it fell night the city was indeed a mysterious creature.
At this odd moment of the night, my car caress over her body in a gentle swift. I sucked from her breast my never-ending sorrow and solitude.
I dashed pass the yellow lights, drove over the bridges, overtook some stupid looking vehicles, passed by the lake garden and speed to the end the empty road along the compound of Bukit Aman.
Over the traffic light cars and motocycles were lining up into the Merdeka Square. Chicks were hugging their abang from the back, and exposing behind them their waist between the flip of their forever-tighten T-shirt. These abang were not the Yamaha dudes, these were the Modenas, with loose jeans and cheap sport shoes, sitting straight up like in the classroom.
I drove pass the mosque, and then the train station.
I drove pass the Chinese Assemble Hall, pass the Chinese school, pass the night club with another flock of desperate predator. Cars were queuing for their lonely soul to be sucked up for nothing.
Then I drove pass the petrol station. Their lights shone like a huge UFO. I saw creatures like Aliens floating in the the sky watching at me as i watched them. With their lit-up forefingers they coveyed to me some sacred message in an unknown language. Abandon ship. Wisdom from some billion light-years away.
But I have got no where to escape, i thought to myself.
When it fell night the city was indeed a mysterious creature.
At this odd moment of the night, my car caress over her body in a gentle swift. I sucked from her breast my never-ending sorrow and solitude.
Apr 1, 2009
meditation
the light that plays like a naked child,
among the green leaves
happily knows not that man can lie
man is worse than an animal
when he is an animal
i thank thee that i am none of the wheels of power
but i am one with the living creatures that are crushed by it
wrong cannot afford defeat
but right can
'i have lost my dewdrop'
cries the flower to the morning sky
that has lost all its stars
sit still my heart
do not raise your dust
let the world find its way to you
-Stray Birds-
Rabindranath Tagore
among the green leaves
happily knows not that man can lie
man is worse than an animal
when he is an animal
i thank thee that i am none of the wheels of power
but i am one with the living creatures that are crushed by it
wrong cannot afford defeat
but right can
'i have lost my dewdrop'
cries the flower to the morning sky
that has lost all its stars
sit still my heart
do not raise your dust
let the world find its way to you
-Stray Birds-
Rabindranath Tagore
Mar 25, 2009
stop and stare
this town is colder now
i think it's sick of us
it's time to make our move
i'm shakin' off the rust
i've got my heart set on anywhere but here
i'm staring down myself, counting up the years
steady hands just take the wheel
every glance is killing me
time to make one last appeal for the life i lead
stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
yeah, i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
stop and stare
you start to wonder why you're here not there
and you'd give anything to get what's fair
but fair ain't what you really need
oh, can you see what i see
they're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
untie the weight bags i never thought i could
steady feet don't fail me now, i'm gonna run till you can't walk
but something pulls my focus out, and i'm standing down
stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
yeah, i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
stop and stare
you start to wonder why you're here not there
and you'd give anything to get what's fair
but fair ain't what you really need
oh, you don't need
stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
yeah, i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
oh, do you see what i see
OneRepublic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-3JPGkKZ6c
i think it's sick of us
it's time to make our move
i'm shakin' off the rust
i've got my heart set on anywhere but here
i'm staring down myself, counting up the years
steady hands just take the wheel
every glance is killing me
time to make one last appeal for the life i lead
stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
yeah, i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
stop and stare
you start to wonder why you're here not there
and you'd give anything to get what's fair
but fair ain't what you really need
oh, can you see what i see
they're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
untie the weight bags i never thought i could
steady feet don't fail me now, i'm gonna run till you can't walk
but something pulls my focus out, and i'm standing down
stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
yeah, i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
stop and stare
you start to wonder why you're here not there
and you'd give anything to get what's fair
but fair ain't what you really need
oh, you don't need
stop and stare
i think i'm moving but i go nowhere
yeah, i know that everyone gets scared
but i've become what i can't be
oh, do you see what i see
OneRepublic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-3JPGkKZ6c
Jan 8, 2009
off work late
off work late. parked my car at level 5 today, and as usual it was emptied by this time of the day. i dragged myself into the car, drove down the ramps slowly.
level 4a. level 4. level 3a. level 3.
level 2a. the first flourescent light was blinking helplessly.
i steadily drove pass the row of columns at my right. on my left darkness of the night watched quietly like a tired monster.
there was only one car left. a proton wira just like mine, sandwiched in between two extra huge, unpropotionate columns. the light above it was out.
only did i notice when i approached closer, that this weird-feeling car was actually, my own car. same plate number, same grey color, same dirt, same dream-catcher.
i was startled, stomped on my brake out of shock.
it could not be my car.
as i quickly checked the dream-catcher still hanging in front of me, i saw, from the rearview mirror, a guy approaching from the back. he was wearing a colourless pants, blue shirt, swinging his arm loosely from his stiff shoulder as he whistled to his car.
i recognized this blurry gesture, this slumber and stupid looking shirt.
it was nobody but me.
i observed him carefully. the pounding of my heart seemed to have blown my head off.
now he must have seen me. i saw him lowering down his body, peek at me back in the rearview mirror. he waved his hand and smiled.
i felt the shiver from my back. my hair stood.
i stepped on the acceleration pedal and my engine died.
level 4a. level 4. level 3a. level 3.
level 2a. the first flourescent light was blinking helplessly.
i steadily drove pass the row of columns at my right. on my left darkness of the night watched quietly like a tired monster.
there was only one car left. a proton wira just like mine, sandwiched in between two extra huge, unpropotionate columns. the light above it was out.
only did i notice when i approached closer, that this weird-feeling car was actually, my own car. same plate number, same grey color, same dirt, same dream-catcher.
i was startled, stomped on my brake out of shock.
it could not be my car.
as i quickly checked the dream-catcher still hanging in front of me, i saw, from the rearview mirror, a guy approaching from the back. he was wearing a colourless pants, blue shirt, swinging his arm loosely from his stiff shoulder as he whistled to his car.
i recognized this blurry gesture, this slumber and stupid looking shirt.
it was nobody but me.
i observed him carefully. the pounding of my heart seemed to have blown my head off.
now he must have seen me. i saw him lowering down his body, peek at me back in the rearview mirror. he waved his hand and smiled.
i felt the shiver from my back. my hair stood.
i stepped on the acceleration pedal and my engine died.
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